A few days ago, she went to a friend's house for playgroup with her mom and brother. This playgroup is made up of four 4-year-old girls who are all in dance class together, and their younger siblings -- two boys and a girl. The house is in a relatively new subdivision, and there is construction going on all over, including right next door.
After playing outside and riding bikes for awhile, they apparently all went over to investigate the excavations and landscaping. This was because there was a curiosity that any four year old couldn't ignore... a giant pile of dirt.
From what I can tell from the photos, it was a 15 foot high pile of fill intended for grading. Based on my experience from last summer of building a 40ft wide x 6ft high retaining wall (by hand... ugh) and backfilling with some 80 tons of fill, this pile is 25 cubic yards of material, or roughly 37 tons.
Anyway...What would you do if you were a kid (or even an adult!) when you saw this pile? Yup, you'd try to climb it. And that is just what A. did.
As the other moms watched in horror, A. scampered right up to the top and sat down. It was loose fill, so she had to work to get there, but she did it.
Eventually some of the other kids decided to try, but kept slipping down. One girl was told it wasn't a good idea to try it.
As a sidenote, this is pretty common today. Many parents seem waaay overprotective, and simply don't let their kids be kids, or let them try, fail, try again and again and again and finally, hopefully, succeed. It's most obvious on the preschool-age playground where some (very few) parents let their kids test their abilities, while the majority hover, warn, help, meddle or even forbid. I take great pride when A. does something like jump off a play structure to see how far she can go, and a mom gasps. We certainly monitor what she's doing and wouldn't let her attempt something legitimately dangerous, but other than that our kids will grow up free to try things and free to gain confidence in their own abilities, both physically and mentally. (Like bike riding, where in the past week A. has just gotten better and better, more confident and more fearless. Awesome.)The last photo is my favorite. I'm being overly dramatic here, but she just looks so triumphant, so heroic standing atop the mountain while all others failed or didn't try. I think it's important to note here that her friends and their parents are great. Good, funny, smart people, kids and parents alike.
But my daughter is the one standing at the top of that mountain.
8 comments:
Good for A! And for Mrs. August for not being a wimpy mom. It's hard to do sometimes, but letting kids try things and fail and/or get hurt is so important--and they feel so great when they accomplish their goals! Keeping them safe 100% of the time (while impossible of course) robs them of the chance to experience their own efficacy.
And she DOES look triumphant up there! Was she excited to tell you about her adventure?
Thanks! And Mrs. August is probably more likely to give the kids the freedom they need than I am. I definitely take some cues from her in that department.
You know, by the time I got home from work that evening, A. was exhausted from a long day playing outside, and she didn't want to talk about her adventure. And really, my guess is that she probably didn't think what she did was that big of a deal.
It's the type of thing where I'd say excitedly "Great job, kiddo!" and she'd look at me like I had three heads, implying "what are you getting all worked up about? I just climbed a pile of dirt, dad."
Most of my friends (parents of A. and R.'s friends) tend to think I'm insane and give the kids too much freedom. But I have to say, our kids are the ones that "bring the fun" and set the tone for the event. Both A. (age4) and R. (age 2) are pretty adventurous and coordinated. I don't know if that's because of the freedom we've given them or just coincidence. Either way, it works. (Just ask c.august how happy he is that R. seems to be a kick ass athlete with a mean fast ball, a swing like Babe Ruth, a golden foot with the soccer ball, not to mention the complete and utter charm of a playboy.)
In all honesty, in this situation, I think the other moms just didn't want their little girls playing in dirt. And I know they were afraid that their kids would climb up there and get stuck, meaning that the moms would have to climb up the pile of dirt to retrieve them. A. did get filthy - and I mean F.I.L.T.H.Y. - but she's a kid and that's her job. I came in to the house after retrieving my son from the kid-sized motorized fire truck in the driveway to find A. sitting on the kitchen counter with the mom of the house scrubbing her dirty little feet and legs. Did we forget to mention that she was wearing Crocs for this monumental achievement?
Anyway, as c.august says, A. rocks and I think she will *always* be the kid on top of the mountain. Her brother will likely be right next to her, but if not, he'll be charming the ladies at the bottom who were too afraid to try, making his dad just as proud. :)
Sweet. Helicopter parents make me nervous. I'm glad to see there are still parents out there that let their kids DO STUFF.
I had a great childhood in this regard. Past the age of about 8, we were allowed to roam the countryside. In fact, my mother wanted me out of doors in summer. Some days we would get a couple bucks to walk a few miles to the penny candy store, along an unused railroad. I have fond memories of those days!
It's a hard line to hold in letting your kids do things that might end up with them getting hurt. Better now than later when the teeth are permanent, I say.
I love the last picture, too. Not only does her mini majesty cut a proud figure, the lens flare adds fabulous drama.
Good post. I've always been willing to give my 3 boys their head up to a point. That point being when they want to try something really dangerous. But they need to be free to try and succeed or fail. And when my kids failed at something I would ask What did you learn from this? I've always thought that this is a good way to teach a child to automatize a valuable habit--introspection.
Monica: "Helicopter parents"... that is awesome! I'll have to use that from now on. And I had similar experiences as a child, going off and exploring. Of course this was before the world was dangerous and there was a child predator or secret storehouse of bisphenol A hiding behind every tree.
I'm not discounting real risks, but the parenting world seems to border on near hysteria nowadays.
LB: The baby teeth comment was funny, but I have to admit that has actually crossed my mind!
Mike N: Thanks! And I really liked your point about asking "What did you learn from that?" We do that sometimes, but I hadn't identified it as a learning moment I should exploit consistently. I think my oldest is getting to the point now where this could be really valuable. Our normally loquacious girl is often stumped when asked a question requiring introspection, and this could be a good opportunity to practice it.
I remember my childhood and when I used to climb sand mountains and play with my friends just like those kids in the pictures!
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